


Observation Skills

by LtTanyaBoone



Category: Pan Am
Genre: F/F, Homophobia, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-13
Updated: 2012-07-13
Packaged: 2017-11-15 08:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Observing has become a second nature to her; her catalog of social clues and acceptable interactions is being constantly revised."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Observation Skills

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alidiabin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alidiabin/gifts).



**Disclaimers:** Pan Am, the rights to the show and its characters do not belong to me. No money was made by this.  
 **Spoilers:** none  
 **Pairing:** Colette Valois/Kate Cameron, mention of Bridget Pierce/Dean Lowrey, hint of onesided Colette Valois/Bridget Pierce

 **Warning:** hints of homophobia. Given the time and the fact that it was only in the 1970s that “homosexuality” was removed from the list of mental disorders in the US, there are a few thoughts in there that are questionable.

* * *

Desire is nothing new to Kate. She has felt it a few times, given in a couple, too. And repressed it more often than she can count.

Kate Cameron realized that she was “different” from other girls when she was a teenager and it clicked that, when other girls called each other ‘pretty’ that did not mean they wanted to kiss and touch each other. Only Kate did. But she was a Cameron and if there was one thing their mother taught her and Laura, it was restraint and that feelings weren’t supposed to be broadcasted everywhere. So Kate trained herself. Or at least she tried. Tried to stop her eyes flickering to other girl’s lips, tried to not stare at their chests. She shied away from a lot of deep friendships, out of fear that the feelings would suddenly change and develop into something inappropriate. It had happened before.

It wasn’t that she didn’t find men attractive and desirable, on the contrary. But she has never really, madly fallen in love with one of them. It’s easier when it’s another girl, another woman; because Kate understands them far better than any man she ever met.

But this… thing, whatever it is, is not acceptable. So she tries pleasing her mother and dates a few men and never does anything with another girl, except Marie Baker at summer camp, whom she kissed. Out of curiosity. Everyone was doing it, practicing kissing with their girlfriends, and it would have been weird if Kate had refused (Laura had always been the prude, not her). She wasn’t prepared of the intense feeling zinging through her, though, and stopped right after the first kiss, declaring she didn’t like it (truth be told, she liked it, too much perhaps).

Her sister has no idea about what is going on in Kate’s head a lot of the time, and neither do her friends. And Kate thinks that finally, she is getting a grip on these strange emotions. But then the captain she flies with gets grounded because he decks his first officer, and they are all put on new crews. And Kate meets Colette.

Years of being around sophisticated women have taught her a set of rules. How long she can hug someone until it starts to feel strange. What comments to swallow. And they already taught her to watch, to observe, in an attempt to copy other women’s interactions, women who don’t have this problem that Kate does.

So she does just that, watching. It’s become a second nature to her; her catalog of social clues and acceptable interactions is constantly being revised. Only when she watches Colette, Kate notices a few things that ping on her radar as things to avoid. A hand that lingers just a little too long on Bridget’s shoulder. A soft blush and dark eyes that dart away when Bridget teases the French woman about not having mentioned a boyfriend in a while.

Kate observes for weeks, months even, until she is sure that it is not merely something that happens between Colette and Bridget but is actually a pattern that resurfaces a little too often to be a coincidence whenever the French woman interacts with other attractive members of their sex. Though the instances do coincide with whenever Bridget is close a lot of the time.

* * *

It actually takes five months until Kate is sharing a room with only the French woman. Before that it was either a room for all of them or Colette and Bridget ended up in one room with each other. But this time they have a single room and a double, and silently Kate fumes because there isn’t so much as a debate as to who gets the single room, Colette just hands the British stewardess the key and gets a kiss on her cheek in return and some muttered French that Kate’s tired brain doesn’t want to decipher.

“Which bed would you like?” Colette’s accented voice invades her brain and Kate draws a deep breath.

“The single one?” she mutters under her breath as she grabs her luggage and sets it down on top of the bed closest to her. Apparently she said it just loud enough for her colleague to understand.

“Ah, me, too.” she sighs, taking off her hat and running her hand through her dark hair, the uniform jacket straining slightly and Kate swallows thickly. Oh yeah, this would certain be an interesting trip.

“Then why give Bridget the key?” Kate asks her, opening the snaps that keep her clothes in neatly arranged rows.

“Are you joking?” Colette responds, frowning lightly at Kate. “You did not notice the way her and Dean were looking at each other? Or that I spend ridiculous amounts of time at the bar or in other rooms when her and I are sharing?”

Kate just stares at the other woman in surprise, blinking slowly.

“You mean her and… he’s the co-pilot!” she exclaims in a hushed voice, some distant part of her brain reminding her that this is something that would fit better if it came out of her mother’s mouth, or that of her sister for that matter.

“And rather attractive, _non_?” the French woman just shrugs, starting to unbutton her blouse. Kate blinks again, staring until the alarm in her head goes off, reminding her that the polite and acceptable thing to do is to turn away and give the other woman some privacy, and not want to help.

“Still, I don’t-”

“The pilots are all sharing on this trip.” Colette cut in, walking around her colleague to find some hangers in the closet so she can put up her uniform. “Emmerson always makes them, says he wants to save the airline some money.”

“Oh.” the redhead mutters, returning to her own unpacking and clenching her eyes shut when Colette disappears into the bathroom, a fresh dress draped over her arm. Kate’s fingers grip the material of her PJs tightly as she tries to shut the image of her colleague taking off her girdle out of her head, wondering briefly how she is supposed to get through three days of that.

When Colette leaves the bathroom, Kate has gotten enough of a grip on herself to be able to smile at her and get changed herself, washing her face repeatedly with cold water.

“Is there something you would like to do?” Colette asks her when she finally steps out of the bathroom, completely unimpressed and unconcerned with how long it took Kate to get dressed again. The redhead just shrugs, sitting down on her bed and putting on some shoes.

“We could go back to the little café you showed me last time?” she suggests and Colette nods in agreement, grabbing her purse and holding the door open for Kate. When they pass Bridget’s room, they can hear giggling coming from inside, and for a brief second, a look of hurt flashes over Colette’s face. But it’s gone almost as soon as it has appeared and if it weren’t for the minute shake of the brunette’s head, Kate would be sure that she imagined it.

* * *

 

They end up walking around Paris as long as their feet allow it. At one point, Kate hooks her arm through Colette’s and the other woman just smiles, matching her pace to Kate’s. Who lets it continue for a block or two before withdrawing again, when the contentment and giddiness she is feeling registers and she knows that it’s one of the first signs that she is falling in love. With the wrong person. Again. Then again, she is pretty sure that Colette knows what that feels like, even if Bridget believes that the other woman’s bad luck with men is due to her picking the wrong ones. Kate herself is starting to think that even if she were to date a prince in white armor, something would still not work out between them. For instance, Kate cannot remember Colette ever touching a man in flirtation. She does flirt with them, at the bars and pubs they went to, yes, but there has never been any physical contact that Kate saw, nor has Colette miraculously disappeared for a few hours. It’s Bridget who does the disappearing and who never flirts with other men, which also finally makes sense now.

At the sight of a kissing couple, Colette suddenly halts in her steps and takes a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly.

“Boy trouble?” Kate asks her, tilting her head slightly and Colette gives a sound that the redhead isn’t sure if it’s laughter or a strangled sob.

“Something like that, yes.” the French woman shakes her head, the smile back on her face. Only it’s her Pan Am smile, the one that doesn’t reach her dark eyes. If Bridget ever noticed the difference between them?

“Wanna hit the bar?” Kate suggests with a raised eyebrow and just like that, Colette’s smile deepens and her eyes crinkle as she hooks her arm through Kate’s.

* * *

 

Kate loses count after the third drink. Her and Colette start talking, and gradually, the other woman’s accent becomes more pronounced. It’s a few hours after they have sat down that the French woman has to pause frequently because she keeps forgetting the English words until she gives up and just talks in French, and even though it takes a lot of effort to concentrate, Kate isn’t the least bit angry. She knew French was a beautiful language, but it’s never been as beautiful as when it’s Colette’s mouth that forms the words. At the end of the evening, they stumble up to their room and Colette leans with her back against the door as Kate fumbles with the key, and then Colette closes her eyes and she looks so utterly soft and content and inviting in that moment that Kate can’t resist. She leans in and brushes her lips against those of the other woman, her heart thundering to a halt when Colette’s eyes fly open in surprise and right then, the damn door opens, making them stumble into the room.

Just as the redhead opens her mouth to stammer out an apology and claim it was an accident, Colette grabs her and pulls her close, kissing her, _really_ kissing her.

She has never done anything with another woman, but undressing Colette is as familiar as it is new. Her hands falter briefly as she reaches for her when Colette’s dress pools at her feet, but the other woman just smiles at her and leans in for another kiss and Kate can feel her heart hammering away in her chest, her skin burning where Colette’s fingers touch her and when the other woman’s mouth replaces her fingers, Kate’s back arches off the bed and she could swear she’s just entered heaven.

Afterwards, she knows she should creep into her own bed and start making apologies, but she’s lying so close to Colette, tangled with her so that Kate can’t possibly begin to work out where she ends and the other woman begins. Not that she wants too, she rather likes this hazy feeling of complete bliss, sighing contentedly when she feels Colette trace up and down her spine before the other woman turns her head to kiss Kate’s temple.

“You have never done this before, have you?” her accented voice fills the silence of the room and Kate swallows thickly, shaking her head.

“No.” she mutters, halting. “Well, never with, with another woman.” she admits, opening her eyes in fear of what she might see in Colette’s. But to her surprise, Colette smiles, her eyes crinkling again (how easily Kate could get lost in them).

“Me, neither.” the French woman mutters, stroking Kate cheek before claiming her lips in a soft kiss that is missing the hurried urgency of the previous times they kissed. Kate blinks at her in surprise, frowning lightly.

“You haven’t?” she asks, her breath catching in her throat when Colette lets out a soft giggle as she shakes her head.

“I was raised by nuns.” the brunette repeats a statement Kate has heard a few times now, though it does not really make sense to her. But the redhead has never been one to pry and just accepts it like she did in the past.

“Did you… like it?” she mutters, white teeth digging into her lip, but her friend reaches out and traces her index finger along it, so Kate releases it with a shaky breath.

 _“Oui_. I liked it very much.” Colette murmurs, resting her forehead against Kate’s briefly before she gets up. Kate sits up quickly, pulling the sheet to her body to cover herself, a concern that Colette doesn’t seem to share.

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to-” the Cameron starts, pausing when Colette doesn’t climb into the other bed but continues over to the door and locks it, something they forgot in their hurry earlier. Something that could have been their downfall. Though looking at the other woman’s naked body, Kate’s sure that the consequences would have been worth it if they had been discovered. She scoots over slightly to make room for her again when Colette returns, snuggling close to Kate and wrapping her arm around the other woman, a content sigh leaving her full lips.

Yes, very well worth it.

 _fin._


End file.
